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(no subject) [Mar. 11th, 2009|08:26 pm]
[Current Mood |anxiousanxious]

Trying desperately to work on an essay for school but I can't.

It's hitting me fast and hard that I may not get to live life the way I want it.

Being a full time artist probably won't happen, and art school doesn't look like it's in the cards.

And living in Southern California is looking like a crushed dream, so moving from everything I know is very possible.

I just feel like I am the only 17 year old figuring out how many 12 hour days they need to work a week to survive and live comfortably.

I don't know if it's just my anxious personality or if others feel like this.

It feels like everyday is a step closer to starvation unless I plan out every detail of my life now.

I hope I'm being dramatic.


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Writer's Block: Close Encounters of the Celebrity Kind [Mar. 8th, 2009|04:00 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

Have you ever met a celebrity in real life? Who was it and how did your paths cross?
I met Ginger from Gilligan's Island, gotta love randomness at sixth grade camp.
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new sketchbooks are adventure [Dec. 25th, 2008|12:39 am]
[Current Mood |cheerfulcheerful]

I've decided that i need to visit either the zoo, or seaworld really soon.
I've been so out of touch with animals and I miss connecting with the whales.

Also, I've set up my new microphone and while i'm still very..(shy, i guess) about singing,
i believe i can do this.

I will live this life if it kills me.
I'm ready for it, and i hope it's as ready for me.
I've got a lot of big plans in mind for myself.

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Thoughts [Dec. 21st, 2008|04:15 pm]
[Current Mood |contemplativeboop boop boop]

-Search engines bring things together.
ex): ruffle+cuff= rufflecuff              
I'm all too entertained with this discovery.

-My hair is way too long, where it isn't incredibly bald.
As a result I look so common, boring, uninteresting.
Where's my story?

-SCRAPBOOKING, yes I'm close to caving in.
what the fuck right?



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I wonder what I sound like. [Dec. 2nd, 2008|10:20 pm]
[Tags|, , , , ]
[Current Mood |fullfull]
[Current Music |arcade fire]

I think I've got myself all figured out. I'm seeing myself clean slate, white canvas blank right now. It's honest.
My head is half bare, i'm in a t-shirt and it's more skin than I'm used to.

Projects are coming together, I have hope for an artistic career, let alone life.
I know what I've set out to do, and fucking hell I will do it.

I feel accomplished, like myself, and it's rare. No due dates I'm putting off here. I'm getting everything wrapped up and finished pretty.
It's unreal.

Laughing hard enough lately to feel the burn of it settle on my face; less makeup, less doubt. Bare.

I've not been one for such adjective. I'm usually layers and layers but everything seems to be getting simple.
I'm just sitting here thinking "I'll spray walls if I wanna, I'll rip old memories apart for new ones if I wanna. If I wanna sing in front of you i will, dance, spin. I could rip the grin off you right now if i wanna, I rather just walk somewhere deserted. I wanna and i'm getting and it's not believable."

What has stopped me before? I tried to live by "do what you love and fuck the rest." never successful.

you need the rest sometimes, but I don't need them the way I used to. I could stand in wind's way for hours til it turned dark and I do, and I'm getting away with it. I'm getting away with freedom.

I'm not sure anyone can understand me right now. I didn't know this kind of freedom existed. It's intoxicating. Addictive.
If I'm making any sound anyone can hear it's gotta be whale noises, all nothing to us but it's everything.

It's late, and i could run outside and play until morning, and only am i stopping myself. It's not rules and regulations, it's self-control and i can't mind it. I've lost the will to care for overthinking. It's all action now. It's all action, there's thought but no over analyzation. it's no way to live.

And damn, am i living.


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My second journal [Nov. 23rd, 2008|12:50 pm]
[Current Mood |creativecreative]

It's seems very disjointed in personality than the first.

Well, that's what I'm going for.



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